:(

so here i lay, in lovely franklin and all that is on my mind is Disney. I knew i was going to miss it, but i didnt expect to miss it this much. i cant even stand to answer the overly asked question: "did you love it?" because a little piece of my shrivels up in pain. no. i didnt love it in the past tense. i STILL love it with every fiber of my being.

 i sit here and find myself wondering what life would be like to just be there forever. it used to never be an option but so much of me is there, that maybe one day it can be. i found a completely new level of happy at disney. not on the college program. the college program was death (only because housing treated us like inmates and i was über poor), but the actual company is wonderful. WHO ELSE GETS TO GO TO MAGIC KINGDOM ON THEIR OFF TIME?! FOR FREEEEE?!?!??! there is so much more to it than that, though. i found myself, in orlando. i found who i have been looking for. there was a part of me that i thought i would never get back after last year. but i found more than that when i went to live the longest kept dream i have ever had. i found a level of happy that i didnt even know existed and im pretty sure "happy" felt amazing. 

im not saying that im not happy now because, i am. but there is a very large difference between "small town walmart pharmacy every day but glad to be alive" happy and "HEY I AM GOING TO WALT DISNEY WORLD TODAY" happy. there is joy there. REAL joy. everyone is happy...ok most everyone is grumpy at the amount of people, the $ they are spending, and the heat, but they are still so full of joy. there is no where else on earth that no matter how old you are, you are instantly a child again. that pure innocence of heart and soul that only exists before puberty (not trying to mean that in a bad way, just that everything in life changes after that) can once again come to be once you pass through that giant welcome sign.

how can i ever forget that? how can that not be a feeling that i want to have every single day of my life? my heart is absolutely breaking at the thought of this summer being my last hoorah...i try so hard not to cry and not to feel the pain that is causing because, i have to grow up and do adult things eventually...but can't adulthood consist of living out what i have always wanted to do? whoever said that adulthood meant working a 9-5 that you hate? who said adulthood meant pushing papers (or pills in the pharmacy world) was the only option? there is nothing in the rule book that says i can't be excited to go to work almost every day that im scheduled.... but then again... is that really even an option right now? i dont wanna be broke again like i have been so i need to go get my radiology degree like i am planning. i know beyond a shadow of doubt that helping sick children find peace is going to be so rewarding but it is also nice job security which is needed in this day and age.....

i guess i could always retire at the castle. <3