a little bit different now

Now that I am no longer going to be working at Disney, I have to start working towards new dreams and goals. This blog is going to become the e-journal for these new feats. there are going to be fun posts, sad posts, hopefully inspiring posts. this is going to be my life, laid out on to a screen.... so, in order to start this i must lay out some goals, right?

My Bucket List:

• work at disney
• swim with sharks
• go to romania
• go to new zeland
• go to a brantley gilbert concert
• inspire someone to make a change
• lose a total of 50 lbs
• read at least one book with a title starting with each letter of the alphabet
• go deep sea fishing

ok, there is going to be more obviously, but these are the things that i can think of now. as you can see i have marked some off the list already. :) they have been on my bucket list my whole life, so they count. :)

I am also going to use this blog as a log of my weight loss journey. As anyone who has ever tried to lose weight knows, it is so difficult! I go to the gym, i eat the right foods, i get the sleep (sometimes), but it is like the weight just sits there. i got my galbladder removed a few months ago and that helped jump start the weight loss, but i still have not lost a substantial amount. i want to lose my weight naturally. i dont want to take any supplements, pills, advocare nonsense...none of that. i just want to eat right and work out.  I am hoping to discover new recipes and post them, find some great work outs that give me results, and all around be here to help others on their life journeys as well. one thing i have discovered is it must all be done in moderation. I dont plan on losing those 50 lbs in the next month or even 6 months. i am trying to be more realistic. i want to lose the weight by this time next year. 365 days to lose 50 lbs is totally do-able! :) I have made some printables to track my food and exercise. it'll be nice to have that visual every day. i am not going to track calories because there are so many different types of calories that should and shouldnt count (imo).... It will not be my most favorite thing in the world, but i will post my weight and measurements and periodically i will post pictures to show my progress. i will just use said photos as a photography project for myself haha ;) 

this is all i have to say for now. tomorrow i will post workouts that i do :)

sorry for the delay!

HELLO MY LOVELY FOLLOWERS! i am so sorry for the delay in the happenings...there havent been too many, but i have learned a lot since my last post because i got to work on stage for two weeks. i got hurt at my regular location so i had to go on light duty and though the new job was super boring it had some wonderful moments.

TOP 10 THINGS I LEARNED ON STAGE:

1. guests go into a building having no clue what it is, they just see a line

2. 15 minutes to meet mickey, minnie, and goofy is great. 20 is just too long.

3. if someone misses the princess time, they WILL turn on the water works and say "cant  you just let 1 more person in" 

4. aladdin gets kicked out of pictures a lot because, he isnt a princess.

5. people are addicted to starbucks

6. people need to stay more hydrated

7. brazillion tour groups. are. the. worst. SO MUCH CHANTING AND HOOPLA RAISING.

8. if you have dark hair and are tan, spanish speaking guests will assume you too are spanish and will only speak to you in spanish and will then become quite perturbed when you do not understand what they are asking.

9. getting hugged by an oriental girl no older than the age of 4 all because you have mickey mouse on your shirt is the cutest part of your day

and my absolute favorite:

10. it doesnt matter if they are 5 or 95, every female lights up the moment you say "HAVE A MAGICAL DAY PRINCESS."

Of course, i learned so much more...but these were my ultimate favorites. things havent been the same this trip. i have tried to make the best of it and i have FABULOUS roommates, but honestly it is difficult. when you are on the college program you make soooo many friends, but then they all go their separate ways.  when you work an on stage job, you can still make new friends because each position gets a ton of new cp's, but costuming only gets a few. this season we didnt start getting new cp's until the past two weeks. it has been very lonely. i think i have discovered that just because something has been your dream for your entire life does not mean it will be your dream for the rest of your life. i got to live my dream, i got to have experiences that so many others never will but now im ready to move forward. it is time to have a new dream. disney will forever have a place in my heart and i will come back here as much as possible for the rest of my life. i will make the best of my last stretch of time here and i will make all the the memories that i can. i have decided that i am going to print out all of my pictures over time and start making a scrapbook. i will keep you posted on how that actually goes. :) 

i dont know how to name this?

it's weird, all my life i have wanted this...maybe not this, but disney. it brings me joy and happiness and makes me feel alive. my college program was so hard, but was the best time of my entire life. i miss those days. not housing, i will never miss that, but i miss my friends so much. being seasonal now i was so excited to be able to come back and start living the dream again...but now the dream is a lot less magical. please dont get me wrong. i still love disney, but it is sooo hard. it is nearly impossible to make a living or at very least get by. minimum wage just doesnt cut it in orlando. i am having to work 6+ days a week just to stay afloat which defeats the entire purpose of even being here. i dont get to go to the parks very much at all. the hardest part is that i have no friends except for my roommates and one of my roommates from my program, but i have not even got to see her but one time and she was working. 

that is thing with working at the most magical place on earth: NEARLY EVERYONE YOU MEET LEAVES.  of the 60,000 employees that are here, i would say well over half are either seasonal and plan on working completely different seasons then you or cp's and will not come back after their program is over. pieces of my heart are spread all over the globe now. china, japan, barbados, new york, new jersey, california, even other parts of florida. but so few are right here. it is no fun to go to the parks alone. it is no fun to sit at the apartment and do nothing, and i cant afford to drive around and explore....ahhhhh adulthood in your 20's.... fabulous. 

i have done a lot of thinking and i know i have told some of you that i was apartment hunting. but with that thinking i have also done some praying. i have racked my brain and lied awake at night until my eyes swelled up with tears trying to figure out what to do and i have come to a realization. it isnt fun anymore. 

now, i have not had time to meet new people so maybe that will change...so many of the people that made it awesome were cp's.  so many of the people that helped me make all my wonderful memories have gone on with their lives and i am just left folding laundry. i still love the perks of my job. i love knowing when and where the rare characters are going to be, i love getting into the parks, i LOVE interacting with other members of the disney entertainment team and seeing the newbies light up the first time they get to hang out with their new furry best friend. but the job itself isnt worth the stress that i have. i dont like struggling pay check to paycheck and in otown, unless you are wearing a suit, that is all you do.  honestly, if it werent for those perks, my awesome roommates, and a few others are work i probably would have already headed back home. 

i dont want to be a quitter though. i want to hold out. see if maybe this is just some weird mood i have been in. the traffic and the crowds just make me miss the mountains so much more. plus, on top of everything i have to get back to school and get my gpa up so i can start on the path that is calling my heart towards it. what does all this mean? it means that i will be coming home in August like i had originally planned. i will be going to walmart, if only temporarily. and i will be starting back at school fall semester as well. i am hoping to stay seasonal, but i am not sure if school will allow that. i will know more in the spring. if not, i will spend saving up money so i can come visit this home away from home as often as possible. Walt Disney World is home away from home. i love love love love love going to the parks. taking way too many pictures. seeing that castle light up night. i love the childhood that is reborn every time i see that giant sign <3

annnnnyway. enough of that here is a very brief recap of what has been going on since my last post: 

 

-went to blizzard beach...went down a slide that is 180 feet. yes. ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY FEET UP!!! 90 DEGREE DROP. it is so terrifying and so fun at the same time. :) I got to spend that whole day with my roommate allie...it was so nice to be able to hang out not at work or in the process of getting ready for work. 

- i went to hollywood studios to do a day of star wars character hunting as it is star wars weekends currently. i plan on going again on friday to get the rest of the characters that i did not have the opportunity to meet 2 weeks ago. it was a blast even though at the time i hadnt seen any of the star wars movies so i didnt know who most of the characters were lol. i knew the main ones: chewy, leia (sp?), ewoks, darth maul, so on and so forth. i cant wait to meet darth maul!

- and i have worked. i  have only had 3 days off since my first week here. i have had to pick up every single day that is available to make sure that bills can be paid. it has been exhausting and i am going to try and give myself more play/relaxation time

miss you all and cant wait to smell that mountain air and drive with people who still use the "thank you wave"... :)

(sorry for any and all typos, i am waaaaay too tired to do any proofing before posting tonight)

rock your disney side event

well, last night was PERFECT :) i started at magic kingdom around 5 something. when i got there i coudnt even wrap my mind around the shear number of guests! the crowd was insane. there were so many adorable costumes as everyone was "ROCKING THEIR DISNEY SIDE"! i loved it and kind of wish that i would have dressed up as well. the weather was quite nice since the humidity began to drop and a nice breeze blew through the entire park.... as first i just walked around to take in everything at Magic Kingdom... i got super pumped when i went to check out the new 7 Dwarfs Mine Shaft roller coaster and  saw that it was running a week early! once i made it through the line (about 30 minutes) i was astounded by all the details. that is the best thing about WDW, they make sure that everything is spot on! the cue line was so cute and has little interactive things for the...uh kids... to play with ;) the ride itself, though short, was sooooo fun! if you closed your eyes you wouldnt even know that you are on a coaster... never have i been on a ride so smooth. the animatronics were wonderful as well. i cried like a big baby and i am not even ashamed. 
after i rode the ride i took the time to just wander around and wait for my friends to arrive for the main event. 
SO, THE PART YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:

THE CHARACTER HUNTING TIME LINE:

11:37] Sat on a wall for THREE HOURS waiting for pain and panic from hercules. 

hour #1 

hour #2

completely exhausted hour #3 (Kristoff was in this one)

2:35] We finally get to meet Pain and Panic, we made it right when Hades and Megara left

they were too much fun :)

2:40ish] we dashed over to Pinocchio's to meet Stromboli 

he randomly decided party boying me was the best choice

no clue what time] we made our way over to 2 pajama parties, one in frontier land and one on mainstreet

i also met bowler hat guy and dr facillier (those pics will be uploaded later).... i finally left the park at 5:30 and was in bed by 6:00 :)

DAY ONE BACK AT THE MAGICAL WORLD OF DISNEY EMPLOYMENT!

i have been back in Otown for a little over 24 hours and i have already managed to spend all the money...it is so expensive down here! i thought i remembered how much it cost to buy groceries but i was wrong. however, it is still cheaper than eating out all of the time, i cant do that! ok, im ranting.

i have not left for my magic kingdom adventure just yet, but i dont really wanna get started too early because most of the villains are not even coming out until 1:45 am. i  have to try and meet as many of the rare characters as possible....if i go now (4:33) i am going to be pooped! it is waaay too hot and there are going to be way too many people. i might actually have everyone murdered by then if i leave too early hahha. some of the characters i can expect to meet are as follows:

DR. FACILLIER (PRINCESS AND THE FROG)

MALEFICENT (EXCUSE ME WHILE I SCREAM WITH EXCITEMENT!!)

CAPTAIN HOOK (I HAVE MET HIM ALREADY)

EVIL QUEEN (SNOW WHITE, ALSO MET HER ALREADY)

and honestly, i dont even know who it else! it is a complete surprise!

FOR THOSE OF YOU WONDERING WHO I HAVE MET, HERE IS THE LIST!!!

FAB 5

• MICKEY
• STANDARD
• COLONIAL/PILGRIM
• SAILOR
• GRADUATION
• CHRISTMAS PLAID
• SAFARI
• SCARECROW
• SNOWFLAKE SWEATER
• SORCERER 
• VINTAGE (WEARS A JACKET THAT MATCHES THAT OF A FAMOUS...BUNNY MAN...)
• MINNIE
• STANDARD
• COLONIAL/PILGRIM
• GRADUATION
• CHRISTMAS PLAID
• SAFARI
• SNOWFLAKE
• VINTAGE
• MAGNIFIQUE
• DONALD DUCK
• STANDARD
• MEXICO
• PUMPKIN
• RANGER
• DAVY CROCKET
• GREAT DONALDO
• SNOWFLAKE SWEATER
• GOOFY
• STANDARD
• DINO OUTFIT
• GREAT GOOFINI
• PLUTO
• STANDARD
• DINO

OTHER FRIENDS

• DAISY DUCK
• STANDARD
• FORTUNA
• PRINCESS
• ATTA (a bugs life)
• FLIK (a bugs life)
• BALOO
• BOLT
• BULLSEYE
• CHIP
• STANDARD
• COP
• WESTERN
• DALE
• STANDARD
• ROBBER
• WESTERN
• DUFFY THE DISNEY BEAR
• STANDARD
• CHRISTMAS
• DUG
• FERB
• STANDARD
• HOLIDAY
• GYPSY MOTH
• JOSE 
• PANCHITO
• KING LOUIS
• LOIS (princess and the frog)
• MARIE
• MAX
• MUSHU
• OOGIE BOOGIE
• STANDARD 
• HOLIDAY
• PHINEAS
• STANDARD
• HOLIDAY
• MR INCREDIBLE 
• FROZONE
• MRS INCREDIBLE
• PINNOCHIO
• GIPETTO
• RAFIKI
• REMY
• RUSSELL
• SLIM
• STITCH
• MR SMEE
• TERK
• TIGGER 
• POOH
• WHITE RABBIT
• WOODY
• BUZZ
• JESSE
• GREEN ARMY MAN
• CAPTAIN HOOK
• JAKE
• PRINCESS SOPHIA
• LILO

OUR ROYALTY AND THIER VILLAINS

• CINDERELLA
• LADY TREMAINE
• DRIZELLA TREMAINE
• ANASTASIA TREMAINE
• FAIRY GODMOTHER
• SNOW WHITE
• EVIL QUEEN
• AURORA
• TIANA
• BELLE
• VILLAGE
• FORMAL
• GASTON
• ARIEL
• WITH HER TAIL
• FORMAL
• TINKERBELL
• SILVERMIST
• ALICE
• MARY POPPINS
• BERT
• ALADDIN 
• JASMINE
• JAFAR
• RAPUNZEL
• POCAHONTAS
• JOHN SMITH
• HADES
• MULAN

These are just the ones that i can remember! there are so many more because, my last count was 115! a few i didnt get pics off of disney site in time so i lost them, i will have to get them tonight! <3 to clear something up, each character outfit DOES count as meeting a "new" character because, it is an outfit that does not come ou daily so it is rare....i know some people that do not like to count it as a new character met, but i do :) i am so passionate about character hunting. it is one of the most incredible hobbies i have ever come across. nothing else makes you become a happy child again and not get judged for it!

not disney related, but completely valid.

          there are so many people on this planet that are crying out in silent screams. there are souls that are aching to find rest inside a hell that their mind has created. every one of us has a few demons that are dancing around in our hearts making us mere puppets to ourselves. we are both the marionette and the puppet master. we are all begging. begging to be a real boy, so to speak.
          what ever is this crazy girl talking about? we walk around every single day smiling at friends that pass by, exchanging friendly "hello's" to unfamiliar faces, go to work, go to dinner, have play dates with others. then we go home and think about the jobs we dont want to go to the next day, the significant others we dont have, the babies we cant have, the marriages we cant afford, the bills that wont be getting paid this month, the vacation we so desperately need, the friends we no longer have, the break up we are going through, the loved one that we have lost too early, the promotion we know we are not going to get at work, the tuition and student loans we will never get paid off. and then we are going to do any combination of the following:
-cry. and not just any cry. it will be one of those super loud, super ugly cries.
-call/text our person. then cry some more because what if we dont actually have that person and we think they are our person when really they are just tolerating us? (that would be the puppet master pulling you around on its string again).
-numb the pain "at the expense of our livers".
-do nothing and just hold it all in. which in turn will lead us into this awful downward spiral of more drinking, drugs, and self harm.
        OK, OK! im not saying that every single one of us is going to do drugs, become an alcoholic, or self harm, but what i am saying is that we all will become victims of our own "coping" mechanisms. now, here comes the important message in all of this jibber jabber. read it in red, underline it with your imagination.

WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ANYONE? 

you cant stand the way this person doesnt believe in God? THEN GIVE VALID REASONS AS TO WHY YOU DO BELIEVE IN HIM! dont just yell and tease and cast stones. give this person examples as to why you believe in your heart that there is a higher power. they still dont buy it? allow them to give valid reasons as to why they do not. then, move on. accept that there are differences between you then pray for them. pray from the bottom of your heart that they find God's light when they need it most.

he/she is wearing the ugliest and dirtiest outfit you have ever seen? as a human, i am just as guilty as the rest of you on this one. the moment i see the typical "as seen at walmart" look i call it out IN MY HEAD! i would never ever ever  in a million years say something to the individual. why should you? do they have money for new clothes? do they have power currently at there home giving them the ability to shower? do they even have a home? yeah ok, maybe they are just lazy. but we have no idea.

DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE HOMOSEXUALS!!! get. a. friggin. grip. on. your. life. let me say that again. YOUR life. who cares who kisses whom at night? you dont want bob and george to get married? THEN DONT GO TO THE WEDDING. you dont want sally and sue to raise a child together? when is the last time you saw yours? what any two people choose to do in their personal lives is no business to the rest of us. they didnt have a vote in your 5 weddings so you shouldn't have say in their 1. 

any other situation you could run into works just as the previously listed do. do you know everything that is going on? no. do they know everything that is going on with you? no. is making fun causing either of you to feel better? absolutely not. so, instead of us all conflicting pain on others in some feeble attempt to cure our own, why dont we do something much more awesome? 

BRING THE HUMANITY BACK.

Crazy idea, right? instead of casting darkness, cast out light. say hello to every stranger, offer up the shirt you arent even wearing, tell someone that their existence has a purpose on this earth. smile at someone because, im just guessing here, that smile will make all the difference in the awful day they are having. take time from your interneting to reach out to that person crying out in their status. take time from your texting to help that person get their groceries in their vehicle. just.... be human.

:(

so here i lay, in lovely franklin and all that is on my mind is Disney. I knew i was going to miss it, but i didnt expect to miss it this much. i cant even stand to answer the overly asked question: "did you love it?" because a little piece of my shrivels up in pain. no. i didnt love it in the past tense. i STILL love it with every fiber of my being.

 i sit here and find myself wondering what life would be like to just be there forever. it used to never be an option but so much of me is there, that maybe one day it can be. i found a completely new level of happy at disney. not on the college program. the college program was death (only because housing treated us like inmates and i was über poor), but the actual company is wonderful. WHO ELSE GETS TO GO TO MAGIC KINGDOM ON THEIR OFF TIME?! FOR FREEEEE?!?!??! there is so much more to it than that, though. i found myself, in orlando. i found who i have been looking for. there was a part of me that i thought i would never get back after last year. but i found more than that when i went to live the longest kept dream i have ever had. i found a level of happy that i didnt even know existed and im pretty sure "happy" felt amazing. 

im not saying that im not happy now because, i am. but there is a very large difference between "small town walmart pharmacy every day but glad to be alive" happy and "HEY I AM GOING TO WALT DISNEY WORLD TODAY" happy. there is joy there. REAL joy. everyone is happy...ok most everyone is grumpy at the amount of people, the $ they are spending, and the heat, but they are still so full of joy. there is no where else on earth that no matter how old you are, you are instantly a child again. that pure innocence of heart and soul that only exists before puberty (not trying to mean that in a bad way, just that everything in life changes after that) can once again come to be once you pass through that giant welcome sign.

how can i ever forget that? how can that not be a feeling that i want to have every single day of my life? my heart is absolutely breaking at the thought of this summer being my last hoorah...i try so hard not to cry and not to feel the pain that is causing because, i have to grow up and do adult things eventually...but can't adulthood consist of living out what i have always wanted to do? whoever said that adulthood meant working a 9-5 that you hate? who said adulthood meant pushing papers (or pills in the pharmacy world) was the only option? there is nothing in the rule book that says i can't be excited to go to work almost every day that im scheduled.... but then again... is that really even an option right now? i dont wanna be broke again like i have been so i need to go get my radiology degree like i am planning. i know beyond a shadow of doubt that helping sick children find peace is going to be so rewarding but it is also nice job security which is needed in this day and age.....

i guess i could always retire at the castle. <3